Most parents focus on their child’s grades or how they are doing in after-school sports or activities. But more often than not, they neglect to nurture the child’s success in other ways such as developing good habits, learning social skills, and overall being a better human.
While a lot of child psychologists and writers might claim there’s a formula that you must follow, in reality, every child requires attention in different ways to ensure they end up as well-rounded individuals as they learn the world around them. You might need to take a little bit of advice from all over the place, but the last thing you should do is try and label their behaviour and fix it with an out-of-the-box solution. (Especially from someone like me, not sure why you’d take any advice at all from me, to be honest)
I have to say it, my poor kids must love it when I find some new information online on how to be a better parent after reading a bunch of research papers and articles. Sorry kids, you most definitely are guinea pigs stuck in another one of Dad’s wild experiments. Although I do believe it’s important to stay on your toes as a parent and constantly learn and change your habits as they get older.
Here are 7 parenting tips you can use to help build a more well-rounded kid at any age.
Photo by Daniel Cheung on Unsplash
1. Encourage Them to Protect Themselves, Classmates and Other Kids
Now, I might get some letters of anger here from teachers and parents who are against this idea, and I can already hear my phone ringing from the school board telling us that we should probably homeschool the kids. But here it goes anyway – here’s the first of my top 7 parenting tips.
My wife and I are very adamant about three things at school.
- Always stand up for yourself, no matter what. If you’re getting bullied or picked on and being physically punched or hit by another kid at school. It is absolutely okay to defend yourself, I don’t care how much trouble you get in at school. Suspended, end up sitting in a room by yourself, kicked out, doesn’t matter – we’ll always defend you as long as it was in self-defence. You have every right to defend yourself.
- Protect others – if you see someone else being bullied or picked on, you need to step up and protect them. You sitting there and watching in silence is just as bad as being the bully. You need to defend kids who cannot defend themselves.
- Tell us before we find out from someone else – If there was a situation at school where you know the teachers are going to call us, we’d rather hear it first from you before we find out from the school. That way we aren’t caught blindsided by a phone call that’s going to make us angry without any context. We need to know the story. And this goes for good and bad things, if you screwed up and were completely in the wrong, we still want to know first. It doesn’t mean we won’t punish you, but it does mean that you might get less of a punishment for telling us first. My wife and I swear by this rule, after encouraging them to speak up, the kids have felt they can be more open and honest with us because they know if we find out from someone else it’ll be worse for them.
Storytime! A couple of years ago my son was a victim of pretty severe bullying by some asshole kid who used to punch my son, kick him, throw his supplies in the garbage, and overall used to torture him to the point where he stopped wanting to go to school. We tried talking to the teachers, his parents, the principal, everything, but nothing worked – now granted this kid probably doesn’t have the best home life, and we get that, it’s usually not the kid’s fault they end up like this. More likely than not they are a product of their environment, it’s sad. I also tell the kids that sometimes others don’t have the best home life, but I also don’t want them sitting there doing nothing if they are being physically hurt.
Our advice to them? If they hit you, you hit them back as hard as you can. Yup, told you it’ll be controversial. But like I said, we encourage self-defence even if the schools are against it. So, guess what my son did? He got fed up with this kid hitting him, so the next time he did it, my son wound up and clocked him right between the eyes, exactly what we told him to do – defend himself. He wound up in a ton of trouble from the school, the teachers got mad, the principal got mad, but guess who didn’t? Us, his parents. We doubled down and stood behind our kid the entire time, no way was he ever going to get in trouble from us for defending himself, and they know that.
2. Teach Them to Help Others
Here’s the second of my top 7 parenting tips. Similar to my previous point, I encourage our kids to help others no matter their situation, age, or anything else. If you see someone at the park getting bullied, you better step up and get over there. If you see an old lady struggling to get her groceries in her car, you bet your butt you should be over there asking if she needs help. If someone you know is being picked on online, you better let someone know. More people need to look out for each other, after all, we are all human, and all of us could use a hand every once in a while.
The goal here is to nurture empathy and emotional intelligence. To be able to put themselves into someone else’s shoes, and make them feel how the other person might be feeling. In fact, studies have shown that being able to understand your own, and other’s feelings – is a crucial pillar to leading a successful life.
I tell the kids to always reach out for help, even if it looks like the person doesn’t need any.
3. Treat Them With Kindness
This might be one of my most repeated parenting tips, and I stand by it still. One of the most responsive ways to get kids to open up to you in a respectful manner is by treating them with kindness and high regard. Interacting with them nicely, treating them with respect and encouraging them when they fail develops a strong sense of character that will last a lifetime.
Consider a different approach to parenting if all you do is yell, scream or say things that aren’t nice. You’re just encouraging them to shelter from you and will be reluctant to ask for help or open up to you when they need it the most.
4. Discipline Them With Consistency
Parents who refuse to discipline or give their children boundaries are actually doing them a disservice even if the intentions are good. Children who are not regularly disciplined when acting inappropriately are actually surprisingly unhappy and unsympathetic to others.
Children need clear rules, and boundaries and to know what’s expected of them. They are more likely to turn into responsible, well-rounded adults when they are given this direction early in life. As soon as you start to see behavioural problems, lying, manipulation, disrespect in school, etc… you need to deal with the situations immediately, and consistently. But be sure to handle them with understanding, and respect and talk to them compassionately, as best as you can.
5. Teach Them to be Thankful
One of the funniest stories I have of my son, and probably one that I’ll mention at his wedding, was one of our own parenting tips that happened to backfire on us. It started by telling him to be thankful no matter what you get for Christmas. A few years ago we were headed over to my grandma’s house for some good ol’ Christmas turkey and some gifts. Well, we talked to the kids beforehand to let them know that no matter what gifts you receive, you should always be thankful, and always act excited no matter how lame you think it is.
Well, the first gift of the night was handed to him, and like any kid on Christmas, he barely took a breath before destroying the wrapping paper. But underneath he unveiled a plain brown box. Before even thinking about it he yelled “Wow! I’ve always wanted a box! Thank you so much!” My wife and I could not stop laughing. It took us a while to regain our composure enough to tell him to keep going, and the real gift is probably inside. But hey, at least he was grateful!
Teaching your kids how to express gratitude is another key component to raising an all-around good human. Tell your kids to say thank you no matter what, and have them appreciate receiving things.
6. Give Them Chores and Responsibilities
Here is number six of my top 7 parenting tips. Chores and responsibilities. Children who have an expected list of chores or responsibilities gain a sense of accomplishment and pride for the work they do. Whether it’s cleaning their room, setting the table, or organizing the boot rack, it makes them feel like they contributed to the household. It helps them become happier and they will learn to keep things tidier when they play with their toys next time. In fact, you’ll never have to worry about them leaving their Legos lying around so Dad steps on them at night (not).
7. Teach Them About Finances Early
Money makes the world go around. This is another controversial subject, and a lot of people don’t agree with me on this one, but I think you should be entirely open with your kids about finances. My kids know everything about debt, mortgages, consumerism, car payments, loans, credit, stocks, you name it – they know about it. And they’ve known for years. One of the main reasons is that it’s not taught in schools at all, and it’s very easy for them to fall into the modern capitalist trap of going into uncontrollable debt. Think about how easy it is for them to turn 18 and get approved for their first credit card and sports car. Wouldn’t you want them to be prepared BEFORE they go into uncontrollable debt?
I’ve been told my kids are “too mature” for their age when it comes to finances, whatever that means. But all I can say is I know for a fact the first thing they always say when they see someone drive a nice car is, “Wow, imagine how much debt that guy is in.” Which is exactly what I want. While it might not always be true, I want them to have the mindset of being frugal, being smart, not getting into debt, and building credit as soon as they can. Investments are crucial for your future, and knowing how to manage money can differentiate a kid from growing up to be a poor adult and making bad financial mistakes to living a healthy, wealthy life.
There you have it! 7 of my favourite parenting tips that will give surprising results when used effectively.
